Grey matters
by phantomwriter05
Summary: the journey through the mind of a hero. J/C
1. Chapter 1

**I own nothing to which I write about.**

**Once Upon a December**

"_Cameron"_

"_I had a strange dream, you were in it"_

_John Connor kept his eyes closed as he talked. The warmth of soft silk underneath his head brought him a sense of peace that he had not felt in a very long time. He no longer smelt the burning flesh nor felt the sting of the freezing rain of century. But only a familiar aroma of perfume and scented candles and felt a gentle hand running through his hair._

_John opened his eyes to see familiar brown eyes and beautiful face of a women long dead smile at him as he lay in her lap. "What was it about?" She asked with warmth that he never remembered her having. "I'm not sure I can't quite remember anymore" John said getting lost in her eyes. She smiled, "well, if I was in it, it could not have been that bad." John smirked at her comment and closed his eyes again but was disturbed by the sound of a bell ringing._ _John sat up to discover he was no longer on a "monkey wagon" or in the prison camp but in his old home before judgment day in the house he lived in before…._

_John's train of thought was interrupted by the huge Christmas tree that was in the living room by the window. There were many lights on the tree. Some lights were blinking, some were solid, and the others seemed to change color. The tree illuminated the otherwise dark house. John got to his feet and walked over to the tree, which seemed to be at least 7.5 feet tall. He inspected the many decorations, small Charlie Brown figurines and Santa ornaments littered the tree. John also noticed tinsel and numerous beads that covered the tree as well as the many shiny balls. "It's beautiful…too beautiful, and when did we ever have a Christmas tree in the house?" John began to wonder as he looked into a golden ball. Then, John saw a reflection of a metal endoskeleton in the ball but not any endoskeleton he had ever seen. It was small, petite, human- looking and its eyes glowed blue. John turned quickly, reaching for his .45 caliber pistol that was usually at his side but it was not there and neither was the Endo._

"_Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings!" John turned quickly to see the television was on and found the origin of the ringing that woke him. He felt a horrible pain of old emotions flood him as he saw Cameron sit wide eyed at the television watching intently as the crowd in George Bailey's house began to sing. Cameron looked up feeling John watching her with a stare that she had only ever seen on Sarah, one of pain and regret. She stood up and began to walk toward him concerned._

_The tree illuminated her body in a cornucopia of colors that to John made her seem more beautiful then ever. She wore a beautiful blue silken ball gown. Her satin hair was curled and pined back showing off her beautiful face and smooth skin. John stared at her in complete awe of the sudden beauty that he forgot all about the Endo or the curious tree and became transfixed on her. Cameron walked up to John, looking him in the eye "is there something wrong……John?" _

_He smiled sadly "nothings wrong, I'm just admiring the view." John said studying her Beautiful face. _

_He lost so much since the days in this house. First Derek was killed by Jesse then his mother died saving him and his men at the Battle of Manhattan two years ago. Then there was Cameron…to which he couldn't bring himself to think about. But now she is here with him now in there old house._

_He was not sure how he got here or if he was even alive but to him this was heaven and nothing mattered- not the war, his men, humanity- he was with the woman he loved and that was enough. Cameron gave him a smile reminiscent the day Cromartie attached them in New Mexico "thank you for explaining". _

_John lost it, the way she looked the way she said her catch phrase he could not take it anymore he pulled her into a hug, kissing her all over her face holding her tightly. "I'll never leave you John" Cameron whispered, kissing him back and throwing her arms around him. The two stood in the middle of their old home holding each other for dear life, never planning to let go. It was heaven and the young hero never planned on leaving._

****************************

"BE CAREFUL DAMN IT!!" Charles Fisher screamed viciously at the Endoskeleton as it sat in a lab chair with many wires attached to its head that were connected to a large machine that made a small whining sound. "Be calm Fisher, it was just curious; that's all." A cold metallic voice echoed over the sterile lab. "Yeah well, the TOK almost alerted him to our presence." Fisher said frustrated as he typed furiously in a console. "It will be fine he is fully distracted by the women in his mind" the voice said with a hint of relief. "Who is she?" a small voice called out in a whisper. The voice however was neither cold nor metallic but the voice of the woman of the man's memories. Fisher turned in shock to see the TOK look at him. He looked at the girl in the screen as she held the man then back at the Terminator. "You mimicked the voice of the human, why?" The voice echoed equally in what sounded like shock.

"I don't know, it seemed like something I should do" the TOK replied. A shiver went down Charles Fishers' spine as he watched the TOK.

"Why do you want to know?" Fisher asked, running his hand through his brunette hair in confusion. "I like her hair it's pretty," replied the TOK in a child-like wonder. Fisher turned his attention to the Teenage Girl again.

He liked working with machines, they were simple and predictable and they never made irrational nor spontaneous decisions. However, since this project began, he had had a strange feeling that this terminator was neither predictable nor program-driven and it scared him no matter how many times Skynet convinced him that it was its own unique creation and quite harmless. Something was not right. "What is this man's name?" Fisher called out looking up at a small camera device at the top of the lab ceiling. He needed to get back on track. "Connor, John Connor" the voice replied.

"And why is he so important? He's just some Captain in the Resistance" Fisher said, looking at the figure of a man strapped to a lab chair with a gleaming metallic helmet that covered his eyes. Wires connected the helmet to the whining machine. He wore a faded black overcoat with patches on the sleeve and torn black fatigues with worn brown leather motorcycle boots that looked about a decade old. The man's hair was a dark brown, waved to the point of almost being curled. It had grown to his bottom of neck and, he had four day facial hair. The cold, metallic voice of Skynet answered, "he's not important, just merely a lab rat."

**Was supposed to be a one shot but more chapters might be on the way**

**Review Guys and tell me if you like it.**


	2. Riddles in the Dark

**Do to the minor boost in reviews I'll update this one.**

**this was the very first FF I've ever written, but do to the unpopularity of the story on the Terminator wetpaint I abandoned it. **

**Hope it does better now.**

Riddles In the Dark

"_I'll never leave you John"_

_It was the last thing John remembered before passing out. As he opened his eyes everything was a dark blur John grunted as he tried to focus his sight he looked up to find himself in his old room lying in his old too small bed. It was still night as far as he could tell he was not sure what had happened or if he had just dreamed up the entire war and Cameron. He laid there a moment collecting his thoughts as he watched the shadows of tree branches dance across the ceiling of the dark room._

_The sound of humming shook him out of his Zen moment. John looked around but could not see anything in the dark room. Just as he was about to get up to turn on the light a soothing voice stopped him in his tracks._

"_It's ok John, It's only me" _

_John slowly sank back into the bed it was only Cameron. _

"_Are you ok cam?" john asked with a sigh of relief as returned to stair up at the dancing shadows._

"_I'm fine just watching you sleep" Cameron's voice was soothing but different almost like an icy hot pack. Warm but with a layer of cold behind it. John smirked at her comment and continued to lie on his bed as Cameron hummed. John had missed this, laying on his bed while Cameron would sit at his desk chair just enjoying each others company. Though john would often complain saying that she was taking up his air. But that was before judgment day before he truly learned of war and survival. Now all he wanted to do was get back to that time, to Cameron and his mother and the life they had._

_John sighed as Cameron continued to hum a song that sounded familiar. "What's that tune cam?" John asked as he turned his head toward where he remembered were his desk was. Cameron stopped and all was quite for a moment _

"_I'm not sure" Cameron sounded puzzled. John smirked and continued to listen as she continued. _

"_Tell me about your life?" Cameron asked him suddenly as if out of the blue. John gave a small jump at the sudden change._

"_You being funny Cameron" chuckled john as he closed his eyes. _

"_No, I'm not!" john turned his head at the sudden change of Cameron's tone, it went from warm to cold quickly. He starred at the dark figure closely but could not see anything. _

"_Come on Cameron you know all about me" said john a bit shaken at Camerons sudden demeanor. _

"_I forgot, remind me!" Cameron said icy cold in an almost demanding way, not moving an inch. _

_"Since when do you forget things!" said john angered by Cameron's sudden attitude. _

_Then it hit john like an on coming train. Since when did Cameron ever hum? John turned his head again to look at Cameron but there was no one there john sat up quickly and rubbed his face and felt heavy stubble. He never had this much facial hair then he felt his hair it was longish and waved like his mothers. Then all the memories of the war and his men flooded his mind. "I'm not John Baum the 16 year old I'm Captain John Connor commanding officer 132__nd__" said John out loud to remind himself. now what once seemed to be his old room has now became his cage. _

"_YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME!!" Screamed john at the top of his lungs. He didn't know what was going on or where he was but he knew that this was skynet created and he was not going to give an inch. After several moments Cameron suddenly appeared before him still wearing the beautiful silken gown but the look on her face was one of pure panic and alarm. She began to shake him _

"_Wake up John, John you got to wake up, John Please! John wake up!!, JOHN WAKE UP!!!"_

To Be CONTINUED!!!


	3. Priorities

Faded Dreams

_It was turning Dark as the cicadas chirped in the labyrinth of over grown plants and trees of the Central American rain forests. _

_Amongst the sounds of the small bugs a Young boy ran joyfully through the tropical forest trying to get back to his camp, exuberant at what he had found. _

_When he reached the camp there seemed to be a commotion going on that had people cheering and jeering. _

"_A fight!!" the boy thought as he ran to see what was going on. _

_When he reached the middle of the crowd he saw a large vicious looking man on top of a woman whose face was shadowed. _

_The sound of ripping clothing and painful moaning caused the boy to leap into action. Dropping his prize the boy took a half flaming log from a large fire and smacked the man with it on the head, causing him to fall in a heap on the woman. The boy pushed the thug off the woman and looked her over._

_Though her face was still shadowed beyond recognition her body was not. The woman was topless and her pants were around her ankles. There was blood running from a cut on her abdomen. The boy removed his green army jacket and covered her holding the woman in a tight protective hug._

"_J… John you shouldn't have done that." A distorted and echoed voice said shakily. _

"_It's okay mom I got it." The boy replied running a hand through one of her pig tails. Just then the would be rapist stood to at full height pulling his pants up with him. _

"_Hey, Tough guy you think you can match fists with me" the man spoke with a thick Latin accent. The boy's mother tried to shield him but he pushed her half naked body from him. _

"_Sure" the boy stood at full height as well looking his challenger in the eye. The crowd grew silent as the burly mans face grew red in raged at the little upstart. _

_Both starred each other down a moment before the thug leapt at John taking a swing at the smaller fighters head. John ducked under it slamming his fist into the rapists gut, the man keeled for a second._

_John stood his ground hoping a bit in a fighters stance. The man once again threw his weight behind a make or break punch only to have John block it. John threw a foot into the mans knee before decking the man in the face. While the man was disoriented he kicked the man behind the knee cap dropping him to John's height._

_John hit the man four straight times in the face before giving the man one last look. The Rapist had blood seeping from his mouth and nose, He truly looked pathetic. John finally delivered an uppercut sending blood everywhere and the man to the ground. _

"_You're not tough, you're just a disgrace to the word human" John said with vile as he turned to walk away while the Crowd cheered. _

_John walked back to his Mom who now had her pants on and was using his jacket to cover her breasts. Sarah knelt next to him grabbing his face and looked at his face. _

"_It didn't happen like that" Cameron stated._

"_What do you mean?" John asked._

_John turned to find himself watching his younger version hug his mom's naked stomach with a proud grin on his face. John turned to Cameron who was standing next to him. _

"_This event has been changed, why?" Cameron questioned with interest _

_John said nothing only watched as the boy received congratulations and pats on the back by the crowd as he led his mother to there tent picking up his prize._

_A copy of the Wizard of Oz_

"_You should have woken up" Cameron continued but John said nothing Just stare at Sarah. _

"_It won't beat me." Was all John finally said. _

***

"What's going on?" Fisher asked pinching his fingers where his finger nails use to be as he watched the screen.

"Why couldn't we see the Mother?" Fisher asked out loud.

"It appears that are subject has blocked her out from are view." Skynet responded

"Meaning?" Fisher pushed

"Which means Connor has trained his mind to repel such prodding" Skynet answered with a hint of aggravation.

"But why hide Mommy?" Fisher asked

"I'm not sure, but if we don't find out then she will." Skynet claimed calmly causing Charles to look at the Endo sitting in the distance. He starred at it for several moments.

"What's troubles your mind Charles Fisher?" Skynet asked coldly.

"Why this memory?" fisher pinched his nail less finger puzzled.

"This memory is a perfect Jumping off point. It shows what his priorities are, and it was the beginning of the road to his path.

"His path to what?" fisher asked. Skynet said nothing leaving him to work for several moments silence.

"What is the point of all this? I mean what are we trying to accomplish?" Fisher asked out loud cautiously breaking the silence that hung over the laboratory.

Suddenly a picture of thousands of T-700 endoskeletons attached to wires similar to those that John and the TOK were attached too appeared on the view screen.

"I'll tell you" Skynet replied.

**Foot Notes **

**Sorry it's been a while since I updated this one. But I haven't had a clear vision of what I wanted from this one. But now I do **

**There is a reason why Sarah's face and voice is distorted but hopefully you know. ;)**

**To anyone who is wondering about Trials (which might be no one anymore). I haven't forgotten , but I have a two way road I can taken the story and I not sure which one to take. **


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